Anime Unleashed: A Random Senseless Story
by Solo Shadow
Summary: [On hold] This is a comedy. It doesn't make sense, it's just for laughs. Read about your favorite Furuba characters and their insane secrets...with your lovely and insane host, me. Rated T for language and some actions...


_**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket.**_

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This is a comedy of epic proportions. I KNOW the characters are totally OOC, that's the point. It's just for laughs. No flames.

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Hello, and welcome to Anime Unleashed, a show about stalking your favorite anime characters (without them knowing, of course!) I'm your host, Tai-chan! We're very excited about our first episode. Our vict- erm…interviewee today is Miss Tohru Honda! Such a sweet girl, it seems. Let's get the dirt!

It is 11:00 PM and I am hiding in Tohru's closet. Here she comes. "Oh course Yuki-kun. I'll help you with the secret base tomorrow!"

SLAM!

"What am I, a slave? Jesus Christ! He can do it himself!"

Hmm…it seems Tohru is changing into- oh my! Well, she's wearing a red leather corset, a black thong, red knee-high boots and black fishnets. There's also quite a bit of makeup.

"Those drugs are terrible! Nobody passed out until three hours after they ate! After I steal 10,000 yen from Yuki I'll buy better ones and hit the clubs.

Tohru has just left-let's follow her!

We are now in a bar/club called 'Get Low'. Tohru is inside with a man. He is 6' 3" with a mullet. He is wearing a leather jacket with a gun underneath. Oh dear, does Tohru know what she's getting herself into? They're going into a private room. I'll get a drink while they're in there.

"Ohhhh yes! Hahaha-I live it-DON'T STOP! God, don't stop. Yes, yes!

That's coming from the room Tohru is in. Rather disturbing. Oh-she's coming out, and whoa- that guy just gave her 3,000 yen! She looks rather smug. I hope they weren't doing what I think they were. Uh-oh…she's staring at me…now she's talking to a bouncer…I gotta run! Tune into our next episode where we stalk Yuki Sohma!

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Welcome to Anime Unleashed! I'm your host, Tai-chan! Let's recap last episode. We learned Tohru Honda drugs everybody that lives in the house and sneaks out at night, after stealing from Yuki. Oh yes, she's also a whore. Shocking, isn't it? Today's episode we'll pry into the life of Yuki Sohma!

I'm hiding under Yuki's bed. It's 12 noon, let's see what he's up to.

"I love you so much. I've never felt this way about anyone but you! Please marry me! I'd do anything for you!"

Oh! It seems Yuki has a secret lover. Too bad he's on the phone…wait! Maybe I can get a look at the caller ID…yes! I see it! Umm…the number is 1-800-GET-SOME. Ah…that's a phone sex company…I did not need to see that…

"You have to go? All right baby…I'll be staring at your picture while you're gone."

Now Yuki has taken out a picture. I can't see it…but he's making out with it. For crying out loud! It's a picture! I'm not letting him have any pictures of me. (A/N:Who would want a picture of the person who stalks them anyway?) Now he's undressing and…HOLY SHIT! He's a girl! That does explain a lot…Okay! Now he's doing things to the picture I'd be arrested for mentioning on TV. Be glad I'm not showing this footage folks!

"Someday you'll be mine baby! But right now I have to go! I'll come back later."

Ah…he..erm…she's gone. I think I'm scarred for life. Let's see who that picture is of. OH DEAR! It's Kyou Sohma! It seems Yuki is in love with her arch nemesis. Poor, poor Kyou. Well, that concludes today's episode. Tune in next time!

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Hey, I'm Tai-chan and this is Anime Unleashed! Last episode we learned the unnerving truth about Yuki Sohma's gender and her true love, Kyou Sohma. Today's victim was difficult to choose. I'm taking martial arts lessons before I go after Kyou Sohma, Ayame Sohma makes his life public enough…and Saki Hanajima has those creepy wave powers. Therefore, today's victim in Hatsuharu Sohma!

I'm hiding behind curtains and watching Haru talk on the phone with Shigure.

"Can't something be done? No, I don't want to wait six weeks! Why should I pay for it-this is your fault! If you hadn't switched my allergy medicine with your diet pills this never would have happened!"

Hmm…Haru doesn't look happy. Now he's going to his room…YES! ANOTHER SET OF CURTAINS TO HIDE BEHIND! He's changing….and OH MY GOD! He has an ox tail from the last time he transformed it seems… Now he's making another phone call.

"Hello? Farmer Brown? We need to talk. I never meant for this to happen to Bessie, I love her. I know the calf will be your property…but he's my son and I want to raise him. I know I'm young but I can handle it. Fine then, I'll see you in court!"

Haru got a cow pregnant? Eww…I'll never look at him the same way again! Um…he's looking right at me…Uh-oh…my feet. Crap…he looks mad…in fact…I think he went black…Umm if I survive, tune in next time!


End file.
